Q : I feel very dependent on my partner,
what can I do?

A: First of all, we´d have to see what kind of dependency it is. Is it in everything, or is it in a specific area. What do you think and feel when you put yourself in this dependent position, how does your partner treat you and how your relationship is, how you communicate and what social skills you have, among other things. The fact is that you feel dependent and it seems like a problem for you, which is enough for you to look for a solution that allows you to feel freer and relate with your partner in an equal position.

Emotional dependency is a very delicate matter and is difficult to work with. Normally, these types of circumstances are due to low self-esteem and high insecurity. Furthermore, emotional dependence correlates with insecurity, obsession with a partner and jealousy.

The first thing you’ve already done is to become aware and this is a very important step. It would then be necessary to assess whether you have talked about it with your partner, and what your partner says. In what aspects or areas of your life does this dependence have an impact? What function does it have for you and how can you replace it with other less painful tools. I would recommend that you see a nearby psychologist with the necessary qualifications to help you in this process.

Q: How can I avoid fear of disease and overcome hypochondria?
A: Fear is a natural mechanism, but avoiding it leads us to experience it even more and take it to the extreme of suffering from non-existent or irrational thoughts or beliefs. The way to deal with that fear is not to avoid it, but to confront it through psychotherapy.

The deepest way to solve a difficulty is to face it. Psychological treatment will allow you to analyse that fear and find a way for you to handle it in a more adaptive and positive way.

Hypochondria is one of the anxiety manifestations, which is expressed through thoughts, emotions and sensations of content focused on the disease. One of the recommended things isn’t to try and eliminate or fight fear, but to learn coping and acceptance strategies. To be able to lead a much fuller life, you need to learn to tolerate the sensations and thoughts that cause you to be constantly alert. Mindfulness can help you tolerate these feelings and thoughts, and work on acceptance therapy.

Hypochondria is also a syndrome quite resistant to an approach without psychotherapy. The reassuring messages, the arguments against, even the medical tests, do not calm the fear. Firstvof all I recommend that you do not use the internet to try to find out what is happening to you. That only aggravates the problems, and if you are not able to look at the symptoms on the internet for a long period of time, you will notice how the fears begin to diminish. Be aware that many ideas found on the internet are not always correct. Anyway, my recommendation is that you go to psychological therapy. Cognitive behavioural work can help you overcome symptoms in a fairly reasonable amount of time.

Q: How does a healthy person become addicted to mobile phones?

A: Mobile phone addiction, like any other addiction, doesn’t suddenly appear without reason, even if these aren’t known. Addiction usually arises after a specific event, that may or may not be identified, triggers it. Any addiction is generally preceded by a sense of need and dependence on something that we adhere to and that seems to momentarily calm us. There are certain basic factors in the personality of the person who develops an addiction, although these factors alone do not determine it.
They are usually people with a medium-high degree of anxiety and a difficult tolerance of frustration. They seek immediate answers to their needs that generates a certain degree of satisfaction.

This leads them to establish a relationship of dependence on people, objects or situations that act as a refuge and calmer of their anxiety. They often have difficulty developing and sustaining long-term projects and harbour a sense of dissatisfaction in themselves and their life that pushes them to repeatedly seek short-term satisfaction. As this satisfaction is not maintained over time, it feeds over and over again the pattern of repetition that is established as part of normal functioning, needing the object of your addiction, more and more regularly. A person can become addicted to work, to a relationship, to substances or to objects such as mobile phones, etc. By not being able to cut this repetitive circle, the person establishes a bond of slavery with their object of addiction, which greatly limits their life and causes great suffering.

Lda. Elena Blanaru Lucanu is a general psychologist
at Gran Alacant Family Doctors 24h
Every month she will try to answer your questions,
your name will be kept in the strictest confidentiality

T: +34 610 684 970 I Email: elenablanaru@cop.es