How to avoid family squabbles during holidays!
It is common that when we come back from holidays, family are far from being relaxed and happy, they are on the opposite side, holding some conflicts that are felt like unknown.
All day together: Relationships work much better when we miss our partner a little bit during the day and look forward to being together again in the evenings. On holiday that routine is altered, and also added with the kids!
Solution: Being in a rush, and in an every day routine, prevent us from truly spending time together. Our partner is the one we kiss early in the morning and that one that we re-encounter in the evenings. During holidays our partner is with us all day long, the one that says things like ¨are you keeping an eye on the kids”?! Or “come on we will be late to go to the beach¨… and the conflicts are often inevitable.
The problem is not the holiday obviously; the problem is that people are often not devoting enough time to communicate during their busy lives. That is why come September, the end of holiday season, it is so common to see an increase in consultations, which start with something like …¨we arrived to the conclusion that we are not getting on very well together¨.
What is the meaning of ¨together¨ actually? We all go through our individual changes, feelings, thoughts, and fears… and there is the “other”. It’s important to find time to share our feelings with each other in our daily lives, not just on holidays.
Wanting Different things: Sometimes members of the family want to do different things at different hours, or just don´t want to do nothing special.
Solution: Kids quarrelling all day add stress to your holidays; why not make a daily planner prior to holidays to make sure nobody is left out and everybody’s favourite activities are included.
Kids want all the attention: leaving parents often exhausted and not having any time to themselves.
Solution: The taking care of kids is no one parents responsibility, it is better not to pre-establish roles. Advancing and creating is a matter that involves all family members. If you have older kids, make them part of the different situations and get some help from them … reinforce their role giving them something as a reward. Doing this, they feel grown up and valuable.
High Expectations: people often have too high an expectation about their holidays, and the reality can slap them in the face.
Solution: Sometimes little enjoyable things are the ones kept in the memory. So even though it’s good to make a holiday plan, don´t make long lists ending up with a hectic schedule like a long trip on boat, followed by late dinner, and then early morning hiking route… This is the best way to end up exhausted! Try to enjoy little things, take your time, and don´t put more than one or two activities in a day. Leave few days ¨totally unplanned and free¨, they can turn out to be the best!
Friends and other commitments: use up all the time off, and no time is left for relaxation
Solution: It is very exciting for our friends coming to share that afternoon or holidays with us. Try to make it as natural as you can, share your present situations, because what is special is sharing the time together enjoying simple things like the sun and that simple beer out on the terrace. Don’t try to out-plan each other, instead let plans to be created from there and make sure they are simple.
Expect Unexpected: unexpected events can halt our plans
Solution: Imagine some plane delays happens, or whatever unexpected situation. Leave apart that sense of loosing time. Life is what you are leaving every second, so leave and feel whatever the situation requires, because if you are regretting, that is what you are deciding to feel. Think about it.
PS.BEATRIZ COTA PONCE MASTER HEALTH AND MASTER JURIDIC PSYCHOLOGIST Num Colegiados- CV12623 y MU03895 Santa Pola Gran Alacant
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